The not so pretty truth

It’s 12:23 am as I begin to type this.

Last night it snowed and tonight it is going to be very cold. My mom has an early appointment in my area, and decided to stay here for the night.

Two things…

First, I now know where my sleep talking comes from.

Second, I feel like it’s my fault that she is talking.

Time for another lesson, this one they actually do talk about… Your life problem is my fault.

Waking up to hear her I instantly knew she was dreaming about me and how much I make her worry. I know that each moan is her trying to fight my demons. Each udderence is guilt she feels, because she believes it is her fault I have dirty dishes.

If my house was clean when she got here, she would be sleeping soundly.

Truthfully I have no idea. This crazy process in my mind is just that… Crazy process.

First, it’s egotistical to think she is dreaming about me. She could be having a good time eating ice cream with Mickey Mouse.

Second, I have no power to change how she feels. Even if she is in a guilt filled slumber. She will feel how she feels about what she is thinking.

It’s not my fault. I have no control over how or what other people are thinking. I have no right to assume her emotional state.

We had a really nice time together. We caught up on life. We said I love yous before bed. She is sleeping in a warm room, in a home I have successfully made my own for six years.

Now go back to sleep Erica. It will be your fault if you are exhausted tomorrow.