The not so pretty truth

I thought I was done… That was the only the first wave… Here I am again.

I’m manic. I can’t put down the phone.

My loved ones sit in the front row and watch this abusive show unfold.

My fear of rejection coming across as blame.

My exhaustion shows by being hyper critical.

I am mad at you because I hate myself. I yell at you because I’m afraid.

I can’t see beyond the four warped walls that surround me. I can’t see beyond my pain.

Watching the stones I throw to get attention… I can see the ripples my mania is causing…

Will someone please save me?

Will someone please love me?

I am drowning.

Will someone please care?

Will someone please talk over the voices? They are so loud.

I asked for help… But my words were not understood.

Now I’m lashing out… And my words destroy.

I am sorry for burning the bridge. I am sorry I forced you into my chaos. I am sorry I booby trap the only way in. I am sorry for the Whiplash I cause.

I am sorry I keep saying I’m sorry… But I am unable to stop.