The not so pretty truth

Today’s Ugly Truth is brought to you by Rejection Sensitivity… when your feelings are hurt because somebody looked at you funny.

If I could teach you anything about Borderline Personality it’s this fact: Borderline folks have an extreme sensitivity to rejection.

This is actual or perceived rejection. This is when your friend doesn’t call back. This is that look that your date gave you. This is feeling like the people you choose don’t choose you.

I admit this is probably my biggest issue in life.

My friend canceled on me… Several weeks in a row. We made plans again. When I explained how being cancelled on made me feel they told me the plans that we had made would happen no matter what.

Two days later I received a phone call from my friend asking to reschedule our plans… They had an opportunity to spend some time with another friend and asked me to switch days.

The only word I can think of that describes how I felt was flabbergasted.

I said of course. They said thanks!

The words I heard where, “Thank you for understanding I will choose something else over you always.”

To most people they would just think this person was being a clueless insensitive asshole.

To me it felt like that person was being a mindful deliberate asshole. The only logical reason they would ever ask me to switch is because they never want to see me again. They just didn’t want to “hurt” my feelings, and hoped I would be the jerk that never wanted to see them again. They wanted to be the “victim” of the scenario.

Even now – weeks have gone by – I am still brooding about it.

I wrote an angry and hurt message. They didn’t respond in a way that answered my question.

I thought I was over it and went to see them to exchange Christmas gifts. After the visit I felt amazing…

BUT… the next few days our normal text exchange didn’t start again. I ended up writing a text that said hey quiet person, I’m thinking about you.

The response I received was sorry I’ve been hanging out with another friend the last few days.

To most people they would just think this person was being quiet. They were spending time with a friend.

To me it felt like that person was being a mindful deliberate asshole. The only logical reason they would ever tell me they were with that friend for several days is because they never want to see me again. The words I heard where, “I will choose something else over you always.”

I wrote an email. I asked specifically did you do this to purposely end our friendship?

Their response was hurt. How could I even think that about them?

If you saw my last writing you know how I handled that. I blew up the bridge, and I made sure there were no pieces left.

I don’t know how to fix it. Here I am – over a week later – brooding about it.

If I could teach you anything about Borderline Personality it’s this fact: Borderline folks have an extreme sensitivity to rejection. This is actual or perceived rejection. The little things, the big things, all mean the same thing.

So I decided to write. Maybe my rejection will help somebody else to understand their Borderline person feeling rejected.

Please read scientific evidence not just my emotional evidence here: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-rejection-sensitivity-4682652