The not so pretty truth

Radical acceptance is when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with impulsive or destructive behaviors when things aren’t going the way you want them to, and let go of bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of suffering.

This week my big assignment has been re-read and go through radical acceptance. I don’t know if all BPD peeps struggle with this but this is a tough one for me.

I don’t know if it has to do with the chaos of my trauma or the coping mechanisms I found with them. I don’t know if it’s all Disney’s fault for teaching me damsels in distress get rescued by Prince Charming. I do you know I accept lies because the truth hurts.

But what is the truth? How am I not accepting it? Am I not living day-by-day in this reality?

Apparently not.

Here are a few lies that I want to accept.

• That I am loved by someone that does not seem to care.
• That if I do enough homework I will get over being sick.
• Somebody else will take care of me.
• Funny enough, I also believe I am independent.

How do we fix these things?

1. Remind yourself that reality can’t be changed.
2. Practice a feeling of acceptance through relaxation strategies and self-talk.
3. Think about what you would do if you were able to accept what happened.
   • And then do those things as though you had already accepted what happened.
4. Be aware of how you are feeling in your body.

Remind yourself that reality can’t be changed… If this person loves me, they would make an effort. They would try to remember my birthday. They would keep their promise, and not cancel to be with someone else.

Practice a feeling of acceptance through relaxation strategies and self-talk… Breathe in- by doing my work, my life will become more manageable. Breathe out- I accept who I am in this moment.

Think about what you would do if you were to accept reality. If I knew someone else wouldn’t be taking care of me… I would take care of myself better. I would make more of an effort to save and spend money wisely. I would prioritize going to work. I would prioritize making healthy choices.

Now do these things… Get out of bed on time. Have my clothes ready for the day. Make sure my lunch is packed. Make my bed.

Be aware of how you’re feeling in your body… my heart hurts that I will always need someone’s help. My chest tightens when I think I may be dependent on others. My eyes tear up when I think about how I need help.

Accepting reality is not easy. I may never find love. I may never be able to live completely independently. I will have mental health issues for the rest of my life. Sometimes people are not going to be available to help me.

Because we always need to end on a good note… I also need to radically accept some pretty truths.

Here are some truths that I struggle believing:

• I am lovable.
• People really do like me.
• I can do more than I think I can.
• Even when I struggle, I’m doing better then I was before.

Remind yourself reality can’t be changed. My friends and family say “I love you.” They are being honest.

Practice a feeling of acceptance through relaxation strategies and self-talk… Breathe in- people choose to spend time with me. Breathe out- people enjoy my company.

Think about what you would do if you were to accept reality… I would do things that scare me. I would not doubt I am able. I would recognize when I do a good job.

Now do these things… speak the truth. Do projects. Smile at the finished product.

Be aware of how you’re feeling in your body… my chest feels light when I know I’m doing the best I can. My breath comes easy realizing I know what to do. My forehead relaxes knowing I can do this.