The not so pretty truth

Control.

Do we have any?

At this moment I feel like I have none.

At this moment I am seeing how debt is killing me. At this moment I am noticing people not keeping their word. At this moment I’m feeling like a stranger in my own life.

One thing about seeing my control issue, is that I realize how selfish and self-centered I am. This is not the way I want it. This is not the way I planned it. Other people are not meeting my expectations.

I read a quote. You cannot control anyone, you can only control how you respond.

Today I responded in anger. Today I responded in tiredness. Today I responded in fear.

How do you control how you respond? It’s such an automatic reaction. It is not pre-planned or prepared. It just comes out.

The aftermath is easy to see. How I should have responded or what I should have said. In hindsight seems obvious.

So what can I control? I can’t control others, I can’t control my reactions. I guess the only thing I control is the cleanup after.

Maybe during that cleanup I will learn a lesson.