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Ugly
You said I’m beautiful I don’t believe you Your words make me want to shave my head and cut my face… Prove I am ugly I want you to stop lying – You say I’m pretty but I don’t see it The “sparkling eyes” are uneven and if you look close you can see my…
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More Self-loathing
I want to wrap up in the warm blanket of isolation. I want to sleep in the comfort of ignorance. I want to pretend that someone can love me for me. My dream world collapses around me over and over again. I am not good enough. I am not pretty. I don’t have the right…
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He is not coming back and other ugly truths I have to Radically Accept
Radical acceptance is when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with impulsive or destructive behaviors when things aren’t going the way you want them to, and let go of bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of suffering. This week my big assignment has been re-read and go through radical acceptance. I don’t…
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Rejection Sensitivity
Today’s Ugly Truth is brought to you by Rejection Sensitivity… when your feelings are hurt because somebody looked at you funny. If I could teach you anything about Borderline Personality it’s this fact: Borderline folks have an extreme sensitivity to rejection. This is actual or perceived rejection. This is when your friend doesn’t call back.…
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That was my point?
The people that I choose, don’t choose me! I throw my accusations at an unprepared friend. Two hours later second guessing myself… When I was so sure. Re-reading the messages exchanged… I said it right. Right? The people that I choose, don’t choose me. To the person that at one time chose me over others.…
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Please STOP
I have written about this skill before, but I need it tonight. STOP It is really “simple” skill… but I dont want to use it… It feels uncomfortable and wrong. It feels like I am giving in… But what I am giving in is exactly where I need to be. S: Stop… Physically stop. Put…
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More on Manic
I thought I was done… That was the only the first wave… Here I am again. I’m manic. I can’t put down the phone. My loved ones sit in the front row and watch this abusive show unfold. My fear of rejection coming across as blame. My exhaustion shows by being hyper critical. I am…
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Just Another Manic Monday?
One of the hardest parts of dealing with mental health issues, is dealing with the aftermath of an episode. Episodes can last a few hours or weeks. During these episodes the brain can get manic (a moment of mental/emotional extreme – high or low). Manic can be really ugly… Some folks go on an extreme…
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Exhausted
As I’ve discussed multiple times now I am learning more and more how it’s not about me. My friend seems to have life going on all the time. She is fighting with this person, or falling in love with that person, or experiencing big life events. She is amazing and lives a big life. She…
The not so pretty truth 