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sometimes
Sometimes I think I speak music. The words I cannot find come through my earbuds and I think, yes this is it. This communicates what I want to express. Sometimes I play that song on repeat. My mind swirls in the bliss or pain of understanding. I get lost in rythm, and my spirit screams…
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Wake Up Time
Rejection… I stood perplexed. Fire… I burned it all. Waited… As the smoke cleared. I called. I looked. I yelled into the darkness. I tried to make you see. The smoke burned my lungs. My eyes hurt swollen and red. The fire has finally stopped. The embers are now cool. I see your blurry figment. I…
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The Games People Play
I am reading this educational book on relationships and attachment… The author took a moment to talk about people that play games in their romantic relationships. Game players… What jerks right? Wait… What did that just say? I am a game player? Yep… Me. A few weeks ago I made a post on Facebook and…
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It Happened Again
It happened… Seemingly out of nowhere… The fear. The panic. The uncontrollable crying. The shaking. The wanting to curl up in a ball and hide. I hate this word. I hate the concitation of it. I hate how it’s improperly used. I hate that I have to use it. TRIGGERED I understand why this word…
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Little Girl Erica
A few weeks ago I said something not nice about myself – out loud – to a person I don’t know well. They said you’re never allowed to say that again. I rolled my eyes… Then they offered some advice. Put a photo of yourself as a child on your phone home screen. Whenever you’re…
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That fleeting feeling
Control. Do we have any? At this moment I feel like I have none. At this moment I am seeing how debt is killing me. At this moment I am noticing people not keeping their word. At this moment I’m feeling like a stranger in my own life. One thing about seeing my control issue,…
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To all the Boys I’ve Loved Before, and One Amazing Lady
I am currently in trauma therapy. The last several weeks have been heavy and very emotionally draining. Because of this I’ve decided to take a dating hiatus. In my life I have learned to assume that men only want one thing. While I have made choices that helped solidify this… I have experienced a large…
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“I Love You”
Something very cool happened. I accepted love from myself! If you’ve read my blog before, you know that self love is not my strong point. More often I find myself on the opposite end of the spectrum. Last week it happened. I got into my car to drive to work. I was feeling self-conscious about…
The not so pretty truth 