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The Middle
I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to exist. There is this middle where my heart longs to be. It is the place that my actions don’t have consequences. It’s a place where people don’t think about me. It is a place of rest where I can hide. This morning the question of…
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Support Team
Recently someone said, you have a support team… it’s different for me. One thing I have learned as a Borderline Personality person is that I cannot be a lifeguard. This is really difficult for me. I do suicide prevention events, I encourage people with the lessons I am learning, I write a blog in hope…
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Manipulation Is The Key To Success
Manipulate is a verb. Here is the definition found by Google Dictionary: handle or control (a tool, mechanism, etc.), typically in a skillful manner. control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously. Is this something everyone struggles with or is a special gift given to Borderline Personality peeps? There is no way…
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Woke Up
I woke up with the sads. I woke up feeling like I don’t have purpose. I woke up feeling like it doesn’t matter. I woke up thinking does anybody care? I know people care. I know people love me. But have I made a difference in their lives? Like if I disappeared today, what hole…
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Knowledge = Responsibility
Years ago I had this lesson. I was told knowledge equals responsibility. You don’t need to act on knowledge, but at the point of receiving it you now have a choice. You can no longer plead ignorance. A few prevalent example are counselors or clergy. I can confess things that have happened, and they are…
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STOP
The last few weeks I’ve been reading a lot about borderline personality disorder. Most of the articles talk about how hard we are to deal with, and how we hurt the people we love often. Now that I understand why… how do I fix it? I sincerely have no idea how to proceed. Since the…
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This Could be Heavy #2.5
I updated this today 4\14\21. I am reposting this song (Weight of a Man) because I meant it. Joining me for this journey is not easy. This week I have been afraid, sad, manic, euphoric, dangerous, honest… I have discovered some really hard truths about myself and gained more understanding about Borderline Personality Disorder. I…
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I just got punched… Thank God
First I want to clarify after researching that lifeguards do not punch you. They are trained to swim up from behind and hold you by the neck. I just got punched. Not literally, I was told to not contact someone for 72 hours. In my past I have learned that people abandon you. Everything feels…
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Thank you for your patience
I wrote this in December 2019. I just came across it and felt I should share. I started this blog to communicate who I am and to encourage others that struggle. I hope this post shares both. I am feeling very rational at the moment… Which hasn’t happened in the last few weeks. I struggle with…
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You Are Amazing
This is for the people that are alone. This is for the people that have to hide their pain. This is for the people that can’t afford medicine. This is for the people that are not able to go to work today. This is for the people that have no hope, but somehow ended up…
The not so pretty truth 