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Excuse me… you are stepping on my ego
One thing I have learned about people with borderline personality disorder is that they are very self focused. I’ve written it in previous blogs, how I don’t recognize other people’s reactions. These reactions are outside of me. They can be completely unrelated to me. They have nothing to do with me. Yet somehow I make…
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Challenging the Ugly Truth
I have learned this tool through DBT to find the wise mind truth. When I say ugly things about myself, I know how to challenge the thoughts. Example: Im stupid because I am dyslexic… Reason why this statement is true- I am dyslexic and my 3rd grade teacher told me I was stupid. Reasons why…
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Triggered
This writing involves childhood trauma. The title is triggered and that’s what the conversation is about. I do not want to trigger others… If you are reach out for help. You are not alone. Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 Triggered is such an ugly word. I hate it. It’s become a dirty word in…
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Grey Dots
When I was growing up I was not the most talented of children… In fact I was awkward. I had dyslexia, big feet and a shy disposition. I would trip a lot, and don’t get me near any sport balls because I had a huge target on my forehead. I would study for hours but…
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Sometimes…
Sometimes I want to burn it all. The hurtful remark from family, the heartbreak of lost love, the unanswered text message… I think horrible thoughts of why I am the way I am… And if I just burned it all down I could walk away with a smoke marked smug face, knowing I never have…
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The Middle
I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to exist. There is this middle where my heart longs to be. It is the place that my actions don’t have consequences. It’s a place where people don’t think about me. It is a place of rest where I can hide. This morning the question of…
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Support Team
Recently someone said, you have a support team… it’s different for me. One thing I have learned as a Borderline Personality person is that I cannot be a lifeguard. This is really difficult for me. I do suicide prevention events, I encourage people with the lessons I am learning, I write a blog in hope…
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Manipulation Is The Key To Success
Manipulate is a verb. Here is the definition found by Google Dictionary: handle or control (a tool, mechanism, etc.), typically in a skillful manner. control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously. Is this something everyone struggles with or is a special gift given to Borderline Personality peeps? There is no way…
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Woke Up
I woke up with the sads. I woke up feeling like I don’t have purpose. I woke up feeling like it doesn’t matter. I woke up thinking does anybody care? I know people care. I know people love me. But have I made a difference in their lives? Like if I disappeared today, what hole…
The not so pretty truth 