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Daydream Believer
Why do you live life in a dream world? To be strong To be brave To hold the fancy of a romantic interest ~ Why do you live a life dreaming so much? To be safe To be protected To survive a world that is harsh ~ Why do you dream knowing dreams don’t happen?…
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More Self-loathing
I want to wrap up in the warm blanket of isolation. I want to sleep in the comfort of ignorance. I want to pretend that someone can love me for me. My dream world collapses around me over and over again. I am not good enough. I am not pretty. I don’t have the right…
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Just Another Manic Monday?
One of the hardest parts of dealing with mental health issues, is dealing with the aftermath of an episode. Episodes can last a few hours or weeks. During these episodes the brain can get manic (a moment of mental/emotional extreme – high or low). Manic can be really ugly… Some folks go on an extreme…
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Exhausted
As I’ve discussed multiple times now I am learning more and more how it’s not about me. My friend seems to have life going on all the time. She is fighting with this person, or falling in love with that person, or experiencing big life events. She is amazing and lives a big life. She…
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Triggered
This writing involves childhood trauma. The title is triggered and that’s what the conversation is about. I do not want to trigger others… If you are reach out for help. You are not alone. Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 Triggered is such an ugly word. I hate it. It’s become a dirty word in…
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Sometimes…
Sometimes I want to burn it all. The hurtful remark from family, the heartbreak of lost love, the unanswered text message… I think horrible thoughts of why I am the way I am… And if I just burned it all down I could walk away with a smoke marked smug face, knowing I never have…
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The Middle
I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to exist. There is this middle where my heart longs to be. It is the place that my actions don’t have consequences. It’s a place where people don’t think about me. It is a place of rest where I can hide. This morning the question of…
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Support Team
Recently someone said, you have a support team… it’s different for me. One thing I have learned as a Borderline Personality person is that I cannot be a lifeguard. This is really difficult for me. I do suicide prevention events, I encourage people with the lessons I am learning, I write a blog in hope…
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Manipulation Is The Key To Success
Manipulate is a verb. Here is the definition found by Google Dictionary: handle or control (a tool, mechanism, etc.), typically in a skillful manner. control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously. Is this something everyone struggles with or is a special gift given to Borderline Personality peeps? There is no way…
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Woke Up
I woke up with the sads. I woke up feeling like I don’t have purpose. I woke up feeling like it doesn’t matter. I woke up thinking does anybody care? I know people care. I know people love me. But have I made a difference in their lives? Like if I disappeared today, what hole…
The not so pretty truth 