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More Self-loathing
I want to wrap up in the warm blanket of isolation. I want to sleep in the comfort of ignorance. I want to pretend that someone can love me for me. My dream world collapses around me over and over again. I am not good enough. I am not pretty. I don’t have the right…
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Please STOP
I have written about this skill before, but I need it tonight. STOP It is really “simple” skill… but I dont want to use it… It feels uncomfortable and wrong. It feels like I am giving in… But what I am giving in is exactly where I need to be. S: Stop… Physically stop. Put…
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Just Another Manic Monday?
One of the hardest parts of dealing with mental health issues, is dealing with the aftermath of an episode. Episodes can last a few hours or weeks. During these episodes the brain can get manic (a moment of mental/emotional extreme – high or low). Manic can be really ugly… Some folks go on an extreme…
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Grey Dots
When I was growing up I was not the most talented of children… In fact I was awkward. I had dyslexia, big feet and a shy disposition. I would trip a lot, and don’t get me near any sport balls because I had a huge target on my forehead. I would study for hours but…
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Sometimes…
Sometimes I want to burn it all. The hurtful remark from family, the heartbreak of lost love, the unanswered text message… I think horrible thoughts of why I am the way I am… And if I just burned it all down I could walk away with a smoke marked smug face, knowing I never have…
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The Middle
I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to exist. There is this middle where my heart longs to be. It is the place that my actions don’t have consequences. It’s a place where people don’t think about me. It is a place of rest where I can hide. This morning the question of…
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Support Team
Recently someone said, you have a support team… it’s different for me. One thing I have learned as a Borderline Personality person is that I cannot be a lifeguard. This is really difficult for me. I do suicide prevention events, I encourage people with the lessons I am learning, I write a blog in hope…
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Woke Up
I woke up with the sads. I woke up feeling like I don’t have purpose. I woke up feeling like it doesn’t matter. I woke up thinking does anybody care? I know people care. I know people love me. But have I made a difference in their lives? Like if I disappeared today, what hole…
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You Are Amazing
This is for the people that are alone. This is for the people that have to hide their pain. This is for the people that can’t afford medicine. This is for the people that are not able to go to work today. This is for the people that have no hope, but somehow ended up…
The not so pretty truth 